Chicago, IL The Society of Industrial and Office Realtors (SIOR) held its Fall World Conference at the Palmer House in Chicago last week. Approximately 10 New England Chapter members attended the conference. On Thursday, October 26, Amy Cuddy was the opening speaker. Social psychologist Cuddy is a professor at Harvard Business School and Harvard School of Public Health, New York Times best-selling author, and Young Global Leader at the World Economic Forum. Focusing on the power of nonverbal behavior, prejudice and stereotyping, the delicate balance of trustworthiness and strength, and the ways in which people can affect their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, she teaches people how to become more present, influential, and satisfied in their professional and personal lives.
But Cuddy wasn’t supposed to become a successful scientist. In fact, she wasn’t even supposed to finish her undergraduate degree. In her second year of college, she suffered a serious traumatic brain injury after being ejected from a car in a high-speed crash, and doctors said she would struggle to finish school. However, she went on to complete a bachelor’s degree magna cum laude, albeit four years later than her high school classmates, at the University of Colorado, and then a master of arts and a Ph.D. at Princeton University. Her topic was on Behavioral Science and how the real estate practitioner can benefit.
Her opening question was to ask the audience “what are your biggest challenges at work?” In her own survey, she mentioned that one CEO said it was about making presentations. He was making investment venture presentations to raise capital. One of his presentations was to a group that he was quite doubtful of his ability to be successful. The group to him was threatened predators and he shut down right before the presentation and couldn’t deliver the pitch. He was flustered and the presentation did not go well nor did he raise the capital. The regret to do better carried with this CEO until his next presentation. Something had hit him just before the presentation and he got off the rails.
If you go into a meeting with dread then you already dead. Your body is already shutting down. You can’t focus on questions because you are too involved with old problems. So how can you mentor and help young brokers? When we feel present in the moment is when we feel safe. Being authentic and our best self will occur when we feel safe. People love confidence but hate arrogance. It’s okay to be confident, that is a safe place and allows us to be at our best. Arrogance says to people that “I don’t want to be challenged.” Confidence is open to people to challenge you and will make you better. 72% of people think that looking someone in their eyes is a way to see if they are lying. But actually, experts want to listen to “leaks” and we aren’t good at giving leaks and matching body emotions.
Presence begets presence to create the most trust. We are too busy on our cell phones when people are talking to us. We need to ask people to put their phones down.
What gets us there, to creating presence and trust? When we lie to ourselves then we only think we are lying to ourselves. We all look for a sense of power. A sense of power activates thoughts, feelings and behavior. When you feel powerful, you are most likely to act.
A test was conducted by a researcher in which he had a group of people who were to take a calculation test. The group was split into 2 rooms. The first group were in a room in which a fan was intentionally blowing into their faces while they were taking the test. The other group had no fans blowing in their faces. The calculation test results were not material to the researcher. The research was to discover who would let the fan blow in their faces and who would actually get up, take control and turn it off. Some of the group members did not take the power to turn it off and did not do so well on the calculation test while others turned off the fan.
Those who take control also live longer and are healthier in their lives. It’s the activation of the approach system. Powerless leads to inhibition and we avoid opportunities because it’s threatening to us. We then fail and fight, flee or faint. Your body and mind are constantly conversing. Powerful walkers have wider strides while weaker people walk with smaller strides and arms close to the body. Having an expansive posture makes a difference.
In sports, winning athletes cross the finish line or score a goal with arms wide open and mouths open. It’s a power stance. Losing athletes tend to crouch and go into the fetal position. Fans of losing teams will cover their faces. People wrap themselves when they lose or end in 2nd place. They become submissive. Dogs have their tails between their legs or cow down. We tend to shrink. But we also expand our bodies when we feel powerful. The biggest challenges are related to what we are doing prior to the actual challenge. In sports, football players huddle and get fired up before a game. In New Zealand the greatest rugby team (All Blacks is the team name) perform the Haka which is the Kawhia Maori chant. It is quite intimidating to opposing teams. Google Haka and you will find the All Blacks rugby team perform this striking pre-game ritual. However according to the All Black team, the Haka is not meant to be intimidating when they perform this ritual. It is meant to prepare themselves for competition. Most times they perform the Haka in private and not out on the field. It is to get the team into a winning thinking mode. In the end, the Expansive Position = Approach System that is triggered.
Dr. Cuddy’s final takeaways were to be positive, have expansive poses prior to any challenge. It is proven that being positive does make a difference and you will present well to clients.
